i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
did i walk over a car last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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