tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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