Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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