dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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