Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
