Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
