Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
