I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
