I CAN MOONWALK!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
