you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
