At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is my gift to your gina
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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