That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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