Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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