And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
