sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
