Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
