just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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