This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
