I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
