i love accidental penises.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
