I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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