I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
