Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
