your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
