Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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