so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
