I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
