a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
