he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
