The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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