check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
