I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
