i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
