is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
