YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
