I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
