just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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