don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
People in love make me want to vomit
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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