she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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