I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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