this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
