Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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