I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
