Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
