well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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