nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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