I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
