Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
