Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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