If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
