I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
