my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
