Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
