i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
