I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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